Unfounded Guilt
As my husband has recently picked up a second job so we can
make more progress financially, I’ve been battling feelings of guilt I know I shouldn’t
be having. I feel like I should be contributing more. It is a financial sacrifice
to be a full-time mom. I’m blessed to have opportunities to freelance as a
copywriter but as is the nature of freelancing, that income is never consistent
or reliable. And as I watch my husband work incredibly hard and come home
exhausted each day the scale seems uneven. But it isn’t. And I know that.
Neglected Stacks of
Pencil Skirts
Admittedly I sometimes miss my pencil skirt days when I
contributed intellectually all day long, saw immediate results from my hard
work, and impressed impressive individuals. I look at the portfolio I worked
tirelessly to create and the experience I constantly chased after to have a
well-rounded resume and sometimes feel as if they were just a part of an obstacle
course I didn’t actually end up getting through.
However, I’ve been
trying to give myself all the massive amounts of credit that is due for having
the most important job yet in one of the most important and influential
industries: Motherhood.
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The job title of “mom” is the most prestigious of any I’ve
ever held. The duties that come along with the title are the most difficult
I’ve ever been asked to fulfill but the benefits far out way all of the associated
costs. My pay is the smile on my child’s face and the satisfaction of knowing
the work I do is a good one. I don’t receive bonuses or reviews. I never find
myself in the lime light being praised by my superiors. I wear yoga pants and
v-neck t-shirts, not high heels and business blazers. Instead of keeping up
with the latest media trends and reading my bi-monthly edition of Ad Age I sing
along with Sesame Street and read Dr. Seuss.
You're amazing! I know you're a wonderful mother, and you don't ever need to feel guilty. Mike loves you and he loves the time and energy you spend taking care of Jude (:
ReplyDeleteLauren thank you. You know how women are so good at the whole guilt trip thing. haha Mike is SO good to give me positive feedback about the work I do as a wife and mom. Thank you for your kind words!
DeleteArianna, I feel like you were saying what I have been feeling-I too have struggled with feelings of doubt and guilt. Mr. H and I have had a lot of conversations about how even though we have different responsibilities, we are still equal partners. Not one of us can do everything and so we take an equal (but different) share so that neither one of us carries it all. It's still difficult, and I still do my best to help relieve Mr. H's stress of providing for our family with freelance and teaching-just like he helps me when he gets home-but I have noticed that it's easier when I keep a clear perspective of what really matters: my husband and son.
ReplyDeleteKarissa, I am just now seeing this post and noticed I didn't reply! I hope that you've been able to continue to make progress with finding a balance and peace with your role as mamma, wife, and income-maker. It continues to be a work in progress for me but all good things take time. :)
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